Remember waiting for that one guy to ask you to prom, but he never did? Yeah, his name was The Met.
In the words of Janis Ian: “Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters and listen to awesome music and then just sit around and soak up each other’s awesomeness?” Which any celeb would automatically answer with “fucking duh”.
Year after year, watching The Met Gala is almost as heartbreaking as my junior year in high school when I had to watch my friends get ready for the senior prom and realizing that I didn’t get invited to go.
But The Met Gala is the one prom that everyone wants to go to. With the coolest themes, hottest people, and best gowns- what the fuck is there not to be envious of?
Since most of us are never invited to this social event of the season, I am going to give you the full re-cap. From prom king to wannabes. Here are your 2014 Met Gala nominees:
Prom King And Queen: Beyonce and Jay-Z
Now just because they won prom king and queen doesn’t mean you have to like them. It just means that they are the most popular. Plus everyone loves a somewhat see-through dress.
The Cool Burn Outs Who Probably Skip Class As Much As I Do: David and Victoria Beckham
It doesn’t get any fucking cooler than these two. David is the guy every girl drools over, but only Victoria is bad enough to have him. You can’t even hate or envy this couple- if anything you just root for them more (and try to tag along when they play hooky).
The Wannabes: Alexa Chung and Andy Cohen
You don’t even go here! No, but really, why were they there. (no picture for prom crashers)
Best Dress: Suki Waterhouse
This is just my opinion. If I had to pick one dress to wear to prom it would totally be hers. I don’t think I need to explain further.
The Totally Obsessed With Each Other Couple: Kanye West and Kim Kardashian
PDA in the hallway, pep rallies, lunch, you name it- this is them. The couple that makes you want to gag when you see them. It looks like Kanye is feeling the same way.
The Jock And Cheerleader: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen
Physically perfect, tall, tan, athletic, and beautiful? This does exist and it’s in the form of Gisele and Tom.
The Troublemaker: Rihanna
I mean even she knows she’s a bad bitch. This is a no brainer.
The Annoying Girl Who Is President Of Every Club: Sarah Jessica Parker
She’s the girl who is always trying to get you to sign up for shit. Petitions, joining a new club, planting flowers in the courtyard, etc. You see her everywhere and she can never stop smiling. Who the hell smiles that much?! So I guess it makes perfect sense that she was a co-chair for the prom this year.
The Book Nerd: Michelle Williams
The girl of few words. Social festivities are not her scene and she would much rather be sticking her nose in a book. However, her parents made her go to prom this year as they thought it would be best for her to make some friends and get some fresh air. Girl could also use a tan. No? Just me? Ok.
The Honor Roll Student: Reese Witherspoon
The golden child to her parents. She never gets lower than an A and wears cardigans on the regular. And, well, since her favorite movie is Pretty In Pink…why not try and recreate it?
The Teacher’s Pet: Taylor Swift
You want to punch her in the face. She always asks for extra credit and is the reason why you can never have a take home test. She helps out after school and takes the participation grade way too serious with her dumb comments.
The Girl You Don’t Want To Leave Your Boyfriend Alone With: Dita Von Teese
Sure she slept with half of the varsity soccer team, baseball, and football, but class slut may be a little too harsh. She’s just a major flirt? Maybe? With a rockin’ bod at that.
The Funny Girl Dating The Foreign Exchange Student: Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield
Emma is the girl who makes everyone laugh. You can’t hate this girl- hell, she’ll probably end up on SNL with all of her theater credit. But you do envy the fact that she was able to score the hot foreign exchange student who also happens to be British and have one hell of an accent.
The Girl Who Can’t Get A Date So She Brings A Family Member: Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jake Gyllenhaal
I would rather not go to the dance if my only option was to bring my brother. Fail.
The Only Junior Girl Who Got Asked By A Senior To Prom: Johnny Depp and Amber Heard
It’s not fair. She automatically becomes the coolest girl in our junior class because the mysterious and hot senior guy asked her. Who cares if he may dress a little weird, he’s still the coolest fucking dude ever. Soak it in, Amber.
The Sisters Who Are Always Fashion Forward: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
You want their closet. You may not understand half of it, but you want it. Enough said.
The Teacher/Chaperone Who Actually Brings A Date: Sean Penn and Charlize Theron
Ugh, Mr. Penn, nobody actually brings a date if they’re the chaperone. That’s so lame. But at least your date is hot as hell.
High School Sweethearts: Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds
They’re going to get married after high school and move to bumblefuck land and have kids and bake apple pies. We get it. You’re in love.
Also, how many people actually smile with their teeth at the gala? I know my father always gets mad when I don’t smile with my teeth so I decided to rack up how many people did this year: 5
Not too shabby.
xx
photos: tumblr
Should I Go To Class? 